When the Adoption Journey Gets Hard

May I be honest for a moment?

Sometimes I run out of words. Not words to say, but words to write.

A few months ago, I wrote “the end” on my first novel and now wade through the revision stage. I’ve started writing the sequel. I’m working to build my social-media platform (mostly Instagram, as it’s the most fun). I help writer friends edit their manuscripts. I dedicate leftover free time to reading.

But even with all of those words pouring in and out of me…I sometimes run out.

This blog suffers the most. It’s easier to write quick captions or post fun videos. It’s harder to write something of worth, something people want to read.

Today, though, I saw something that sparked that burst of creativity inside me. And it wasn’t something I wanted to see.

You see, we’re adopting a boy from China. Not just any boy. No, we matched with this special, little boy seventeen months ago. He was a stocky two-year-old with an amusingly raspy voice. His foster home sent us pictures and videos of him running, kicking, laughing, and eating cake in the shockingly messy way of toddlers across the world.

Frankly, he looks happy, which has been an immense relief during this time of (waning) pandemic. More than 400 adoptive families are waiting to travel to China to meet and embrace their children. In the grand scheme, it’s a small number of affected people. That probably makes it worse, as we’re not on the top of anyone’s priority list.

It’s all so surreal.

I get asked often about the adoption–how it’s going, how I’m feeling, etc. I’m thankful for the care others take in extending those questions. Basically, I have to lean back on God. God knew an international pandemic was coming. He orchestrated the timing of our adoption. I have complete faith that we’ll be able to look back and see things more clearly.

In the meantime, though, I am looking forward to that hindsight.

Today I saw spiderwebs. Now, ever since we moved to South Carolina two years ago, cobwebs are a pretty common occurrence in our house, as compared to Florida. No matter how many times I swipe at corners or light fixtures, those little buggers shimmy their way back into those spaces and fill them with more webs.

These spiderwebs, though, were intermixed in the pile of shoes I’d set aside for our adopted son.

Adoption is hard

And you know what that means? It means those shoes aren’t being used. They’re probably too small for him anyway, as he’s now three-and-a-half. The pictures we get now are of a kiddo, not a toddler. It’s a little bittersweet to see a 2-year-old here in South Carolina. Those are such sweet years, and I missed them with our boy.

I haven’t adopted before, so I’m certain I have no idea what’s coming when we finally get him home. But I know adoption always encompasses loss.

Right now? We’re losing time with him. And while life carries on here (and over there), I have moments where it’s just really difficult. I trust God regardless, but it’s hard when I realize I have zero control.

I’m thankful, though. It’s a gorgeous spring day. Masks are slowly disappearing. We’re on summer vacation. I have two adorable kiddos who mostly adore each other. We’re leading a joyful life here in the upstate.

I can’t wait to add to it.

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Currently Reading:
There You’ll Find Me by Jenny B. Jones – I read this book in less than 24 hours, which is insanely fast for me. (We were on a road trip. The kids were happy watching a movie, so I had plenty of car time.)

This inspirational (Christian) YA novel was just turned into the movie Finding You, currently in theaters. A hurting high school senior studies abroad in Ireland for a semester, as she’s following the footsteps of her older brother, who died tragically. She meets a Hollywood heartthrob but, obviously, doesn’t worship the ground he walks on, as one might expect. It’s a sweet, moving story of a girl finding healing through faith and life outside her own trials. The heartthrob was a bit too perfect, but other than that, I found it enjoyable.

Published by Christine Boatwright

Linktr.ee/seemamaread

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